I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
