somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
