I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
