you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
