Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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