sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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