lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
