He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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