I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
