Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
operation harelip BJ is a go
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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