I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
