dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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