What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
