He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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