I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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