Kiss
Puke
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
