I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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