so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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