P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
