I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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