I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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