So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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