Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
