Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
