He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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