This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
