the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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