dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
