Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
