John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
