You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
