I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Randomize
