"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
