You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
