I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
