third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Randomize
