The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i can't believe i had my finger in that
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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