I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
