im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
