If that was your dad, he is hot
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
