it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
