Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
