CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
