Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Another day, another engagement, another cat
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
