the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
