I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
