Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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