Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
