Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
