Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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