We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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